At this age of social media and freedom to express, is where women thrive. Here and there, you would see women of great success and emanating confidence. Women who serves as an inspiration and symbolizes empowerment. But, what does being a woman mean? How does a typical, insecurity ridden, girl like me become one..?
Ever since I was a baby, I am on the heavy side. I was also an introvert during my elementary and high-school days. I admit, social conformity played a big role during those time. I was so insecure to even get out of the house because I am fat. Afraid to eat outside because of the judging look people give me. My clothes were all from the men section. I am also the “ugly one” between me and my sister. So instead of socializing, I stayed inside the house. I cannot even begin to recall all those hurtful comments that I received because it still hurts. I was a teenager so I was bound to feel/think that if I am not thin enough and glamorous looking, I wouldn’t be able to fit in.
In order to cope, I put all my attention on my studies. I compete and won awards in Math, English and Science competitions. It felt good, that people recognized me for it. But… I am still insecure because of the way I look. Shallow, I know. Here comes college, I am a Computer Science graduate. More people recognized me for my skills. I also shed a considerable amount of weight *but still, not slim :P*. I gained a bit of confidence and started to socialize. It makes smile every time someone complements me. *Haba ng hair ng lola nyo. haha! Babaw ng kaligayahan*
So ano nga bang pinaglalaban ko dito? Wala lang. Naikwento ko lang kung bakit ako insecure. Naisip ko lang din na, kahit gaano pa ka-confident ang isang tao. May ga bagay pa din na kina-i-insecuran sila. Tingin ko, hindi na mawawala yun. Hindi man nila aminin pero may mga tao o bagay sila na gustong higitan o pinamamarisan. Kinaiinggitan ba. Epekto ng society.
(So what’s my point here? Nothing. I just feel like telling the reason why I am insecure. Also, I think that however confident a person is, there is always something or someone who makes them insecure about themselves. They won’t probably admit it, but they have something that they are aiming to surpass, where they feel envious the most. Society’s effect)
Me? I am still insecure about my looks. I am not also confident enough with my skills for the career path that I am taking. I envy women who are beautiful, glamorous and smart at the same time. Women who were admired by many. I am insecure and afraid in a lot of things. But you know what… I think, maybe… I need to focus on myself and live my life rather than worry about those things. Go with the flow, see where it takes me.