depression noun | de·pres·sion | \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\ a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies bouts of depression suffering from clinical depression source: Meriam-Webster
I have been feeling lost and down lately. Well, not lately, lately, but for some time now (meaning when I turned 23 years old). I always blame it on my inability to be satisfied with where or what I am right now and my never ending envy of others. But I may have been in a stage where I am in denial of myself; masking the fact or maybe not.
I have been mulling over depression ever since one friend of mine admitted to me that he went through it. I looked through several definitions and descriptions of that word but they never quite fitted with it. Some are close, but not. This morning, I was browsing over my wordpress reader section and saw an article, I Wished To Be A Sparrow (Reflections On Depression & Faith)
I was very much intrigued by the title and was immediately sucked in by the vivid description of the author. I was even more surprised with a specific part of the author’s writing, making me though that “Ah… This is me… this is what I am feeling right now… This is it…” It literally made me read that part for several times.
…you try to connect with the living, try to feel the warmth of their hope, but you can’t.
My only tether to this life was my love. For my mom, my brother, my friends. For the dreams of what my life was supposed to be. For my children who had yet to be born.
I still am not sure if I am depressed or just going through a passing phase. I am afraid. I cannot admit to having depression as I think it would bring insult to those people who’s having a much harder time than me. But I feel like I can relate to them on some level…