To Leave Or Not To Leave

Subtitle: Dissatisfaction Rants

Been in a slump lately… Going to the office everyday feels like a chore I do not want to do. Focusing becomes a task and I always dread sitting in front of the computer thinking, “Okay, what is my assignments for today.” Then later on feeling disappointed at having no specific task. So I have to find something else to do. Since last year, I have been thinking of filing my resignation and finding work elsewhere. Seeking that fulfillment I felt on my first year on my first job…

Right before I graduated from college, I was hired by a startup company as a Junior Programmer. I was ecstatic, because I already got hired way before my graduation. I didn’t know what to expect at that time. I was a fresh graduate and I know it’s really difficult to be hired because there’re many other fresh grads from more prestigious schools. But, fortunately I was contacted by that company, attended the interview and got hired several days after.

There, I experienced and learned a lot of things. Unmatchable camaraderie. Got to be a part of great advocacies and giving back to the community. Learned about and embraced opensource. Participated in hackathons creating awesome web systems. And… I fell in love for the first time. I will be forever grateful for that company. I don’t regret being part of their family. They became the foundation of skills I have now. Although the pay is low, and I almost always have to work overtime without pay, it cannot compare to the accomplished feeling I felt. Sadly, I have to leave the company for some personal reasons. In spite of the reasons I left, I still look back to those times with fondness.

Moving forward to my current job… Yes, it pays well… I have a lot of freedom right now… And I get to tick off two items on my bucket list… But… It still feels lacking. The developer team is similar to the previous one I was at, but the camaraderie is not there… No job fulfillment here. Every day feels like a repetition of the previous day. Then, gradually, I fell into a slump. I lost the passion I once have for programming. I don’t know where I want my career to go. Heck, I don’t even know if I still want to pursue programming…

I just feel like I can do better somewhere else. I don’t know if my mindset is the one to blame here… I really am lost. I’ve been debating whether to leave or stay. Whenever I think about it, I am always bombarded with “what ifs” not letting me get close to a decision.

If I leave, there’s no guarantee that it’ll be better than now. If I leave, am I prepared to enter another different environment? Can I adjust without problems? If I leave, would I finally be satisfied?

But, if I stay, would I eventually accept whatever it is I have now? If I stay, would this get better? And, if I stay, would all this be worth it in the end?

UPDATE:
Damn these articles~
On quitting your job: Don’t leave before you need to leave
4 undeniable signs that it’s time to quit your job

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