Gray: That Color Between Black and White

Hmmm… where to start? Honestly, I don’t have much to write about; as my life, in general, is not that exciting. Is this what they call the “writer’s block” (yaass~ writer!) or am I just too lazy to find writing inspiration? I don’t know. I am not sure. LOL.

Ah, I took an online personality test last week. I found out that I am an INFP-T type of person. Okay, I am not saying that the description of INFP-T sums my personality 100%. But, there were spot on characteristics that I acknowledge. I am aware that I have a very random personality; Calm and collected at times and so hyper and loud the next. Most of my peers get so weirded out by me when I’m in one of my hyped up mood because most of them knows that I am quiet, shy and reserved; only few knew and tolerates my dual personality (haha!).

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

(A/N: That “inner flame” oooohhhh~)

The quoted paragraph above are the first statements of my personality test result. I agree that, for the most part, I tend to look for silver linings in every situations; But I do have my moments of doubts and muddled thoughts. Why am I here? What/Who am I supposed to be? or Am I doing the right thing? Going the correct path? I think everyone experienced this at some point in their life. But, ever since my attempt of traveling by myself for the first time, my outlook changed.

Before, I was really unhappy. I was so dissatisfied with myself and with whatever achievements I have attained. It got to a point where I was really at a lost and don’t know what to do. Every waking day felt like a repetition of the previous one. Dragging myself to work and being irritable with everyone. I also thought about sending in my resignation (I was mainly depressed about my career situation) but afraid to start all over again with my career. I am not getting any younger; yeah I know, I’m only 25. But still, with the current unemployment rate of 5.7% in the Philippines and a lot of new fresh grads who are willing settle for low salary on their first job; competition is high. Specially with the industry I am at, Information Technology. I noticed, most companies would choose to hire fresh grads (with low salary demands) that would be trained by their senior employees than to hire experienced laborers that asks for high salary compensation befitting their skills. *sigh* Anyway, I got sidetracked there for a moment. Haha~

Going back… I got the chance to travel and be alone. To think deeply in a place where no one knew me. It really helped me appreciate things more. I realized that there’s more to life than what I am seeing at the moment. There are still good things that’s happening and I should be thankful for those. That gray between black and white. Let me tell you, this cliche sounding “realization” is really different; like worlds apart, different. It is different in a sense that it is I, myself, who realized these things. It’s not just what I’ve read nor what I’ve known. It is what I’ve accepted as a fact. From then on I look at every situation positively. Not judging situation and people on the get go. LOL. But, TBH, I still judge people. Only on my mind tho; and I still try to get to know them before making any assumptions. Welp, don’t lie~ I know you do that too. Haha! Everyone does it. #FirstImpression

credits to the owner
(A/N: Hihi~ putting Seokjin here. Hello ARMY~)

Though I have a positive attitude towards dealing with life now, I still get those down moments. I still have a lot of things that “I wish” would happen. Like traveling more and/or backpacking somewhere (shout out to a friend whom I hope to meet and join her backpacking adventure next year *cross-fingers*) or gaining financial stability and a career path where I am happy (or a relationship somewhere in between~ haha~). I really have to work hard for these things to happen. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy life and deal with it as it goes on. Learning to see opportunities when one thought there’s none. And to not unnecessarily stress over things I could not control. Peace~

P.S. This is a low-key letter to myself. To make me not forget. πŸ˜‰
P.P.S. If you want to know your personality type, go here and take the test. Again, the result may not be spot on but you will still read some parts that rings loud to you.

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